It was hard to get all faces forward, but they are all together!
My parents divorced when I was young. I probablycould blog a ton about all that. However, this isn't that kind of blog. The reason I start this way is because it impacted much of my younger life, which as we all know, impacts much ofour adult life.
My biological father moved to Hastings, NE shortly after the divorce and remained there or in another city until I reached adulthood. My relationship with my paternal grandparents was built mostly because my mother chose to take my brother and I to my grandparents in South Omaha. Weekend stays, outings, fishing trips, trips to Hastings to see Dad all happened because my mother was willing to work with my paternal grandmother. I grew up calling them 'grandma and grandpa Barta. This is how my family did it. Grandma 'last name' for both sides of the family.
My cousins lived a mere 5 minutes from Grandma and Grandpa Barta. They spent afternoons, weekends, bowling days, on and on with these grandparents. The relationship was very close. I don't know about Guy, but I felt the difference keenly at each gathering. Although I wasn't particularly bothered by it.
When I was 16 my Grandpa Barta died. It was terribly sad and difficult for Guy and I, and truth be told, my mom. Grandpa Barta was a gentle giant. Not tall, but big. Quiet but strong. He went to school till the 8th grade before he started working. He was a great cook and a super patient fisherman. He was the kind of grandpa that tested all toys before he wrapped them. Toys came out of the boxes easily and ready to roll. Yet at his funeral I remember a distinct feeling that Jackie and Raeleen were sadder. That their liv
es had been changed more than mine by this loss.
When I grew to high school, driving age, college I could have visited my grandparents more often. I never made that choice. It wasn't until I married Thomas that I was forced to look at these relationships. He wanted to know these people. He wanted me to be more conscientious about my relationship with my father, step mother and half sister. He called my Grandma, 'Grandma Rita.'
Gram and Bruiser even had a chance to bond. They both have a bit of a gruff side!
As I added children to my new little family this became more important. During summers especially, number 1 and 2 and I began taking Gram on outings: the Durham, the zoo, the botanical gardens and even IHOP for breakfast and lunch. We attended a baseball game at Rosenblatt and heard about trips to KC to see the Royals play. One visit to the Durham for ice cream resulted in us learning about the day she said good bye to Grandpa as he left for war.
Via has been to visit Gram at the home and the two of them seem to enjoy each other, and Rags.
Now, I love the little woman, always have. BUT it isn't all sunshine and roses. She is a tough old bird. She is also more than a bit biased. (That may be kind) I have heard some terrible racist comments come out of her mouth. I have had to explain these comments to my girls and then give Gram the excuse that it was her generation, it is what she sees in her neighborhood.
Knowing this about Gram made me hesitant to discuss our adoption. I waited till I had a photo of #3 to show her. Her response was something like, 'Well, this is something I would expect Thomas to do.' Then of course how cute she was. By the time we added the twins to the mix Gram was beginning to really show her age. It was a bit too much for her to take in. When the earthquake hit and it all happened at once, well the poor little woman just had to come along for the ride.
In the past year she has been moved to a nursing home. It has been a hard adjustment for her and for all of us I think. The only good thing to come from it is that the home is just 5 minutes from school. I get there a couple times a week. She is still pretty concerned and confused about this adoption thing. She will often ask, 'how many kids do you have now?' or 'Do you know where their parents are?' or 'Do they ever ask for the parents?' All legitimate questions.
This is the photo that stole my heart. Mr Man worked his charm and there they sit as natural as can be.
Never has she questioned our decision or said anything negative about any of the children. In fact she has photos of them all around her room and comments often on how cute they are.
Sunday was tree decorating day and I decided to bring Gram to the house to join in. After loading the wheel chair and walker and Gram in to the car we headed home. She chatted all the way. Once home we deposited her in the lazy boy, gave her a cup of water and let the party begin.
The kids showed off to their fullest abilities and Mr Man pulled out all the stops. They shared a plate of chips and read stories. I have never eaten off the same plate as Gram. I don't remember sitting on her lap and sharing a story. I know I have never seen her with her arm around a person of any color but white.
So Sunday was a day of traditions and a day of firsts. I couldn't help but feel a bit of melancholy as I snapped photos. Is this the last photo of Gram in my home? Is this the last time she will sit with Rags (the dog I bought for her and ended up living with me)? I snapped photos continuously. I knew it was a special day, a very special time for my family. It was in looking back at the photos that I realized just how special.
Thank God for the photos. But more importantly thank God for a chance to build a relationship anew and give my children a connection to their past. They have a beautiful relationship with their Nana and I am soooo very thrilled and proud of that. But I knew that relationship would happen. I have worked at the connection to the Great Grandma. Sunday I saw the benefits for us all. With a full heart I recorded my thoughts here. I am grateful, so grateful.
This is how our family looked at the beginning of 2010!
