Before, After and Still Working at it

Last year at this time I was fighting with a bank trying to get a closing date and move to Omaha.  So many mixed emotions!  The moving process was hardly smooth:  porta potty, dumpster, flooded ceiling, no air in the master bedroom, etc.

But move we did and we love the location.  Never any doubt about it.  Living in Dundee so close to school and our favorite hangouts felt great.  Even the big girls with the strongest ties to Fort Calhoun and the bungalow, loved loved loved Dundee.

HOWEVER, it has been nearly a year, the dumpster and porta potty are gone and the four oldest members of the family are still struggling a bit to settle in and feel at home in the house.  Isn’t that weird?  We feel at home with where we live.  We have completely adjusted to city life and do not miss the small town at all.  We never discuss ‘remember when …’ and then feel sad about leaving the town and the style of small town living.  The neighbors we miss and we try to send letters and photos to the dear old folks that surrounded us on Adams St.    But we love where we are and are meeting new neighbors and even seeing more of in town friends due to living in town.

What is weird is that while we love where we live, we don’t seem to be falling in love with what we live IN.  Routines are forming; decorating has and is happening.  Still there is a sort of awkwardness that hangs about.  I do think some of the awkward feeling comes from the fact that our oldest two have sort of entered a new phase of life and the house is being blamed for the fact that the parents don’t know how to function with two teens.  But still, we are waiting to feel completely AT HOME.

So while this summer is all about Family, Fitness and Fall prep, it is also about Feeling at Home in the home.  I am hoping that by completing some projects and being together in the space A LOT we will all come to feel better here.  Right now the yards have been our primary focus and between last fall and early spring we have made some great progress.  The patio and the backyard is homey and feels good and is being utilized.  We even bought a fancy new grill and Mr. Man loves to have ‘grills’ for dinner.  Grills are anything cooked on the grill.

Instead of being frustrated or trying to force the hominess to arrive, I have decided that enjoying each day and settling down each night in the space that protects and harbors the ones I love, is the very best way to learn to love it.  So, that is what I will try to do.

Here are some before and after photos.  Obviously a lot of love has been put in to things around here.  Aside from flowers and some vegetables I am sure we will reap the reward of creating a home soon.

 Lovely curb appeal, yes?

 This was the garden!

 There are rose bushes and impatience and pansies galore and I think the house is quite appealing!

This is our lovely garden and the pretty lanterns hanging in the cherry tree.  The west side hedge is tamed now too!

A little personal... #1

I was asked to share my thoughts, personal experience and journey with infertility and adoption.  My writings may or may not be used as a part of a website/blog to encourage sharing and healing for those struggling with the same journey.
Decided that I might as well put it here too.  Sort of cheating I guess.

As I get older and learn to open up and share with people, I realize that the word that changed my life is pretty darn common.  Endometriosis.  So many women have heard that word in diagnosis and then heard the potential treatments and felt completely bereft.  I remember a period of relief as I came to grips with a real ‘thing’ causing my pain.  That felt good.  I wasn’t nuts; the pain was real and caused by something. Whew.

But I distinctly remember sitting across the big old Dr. desk hearing the prognosis for my future as a mom.  Start having children now.  At least start trying.  Now. 

Super.  I wanted a big family.  I was 24.  Dating a great guy, but only for about three months.  How could I tell him that ummm, now was the time for me to have kids.  By the way, do you want kids?  It seemed overwhelming.

From that point of being overwhelmed I made the decision to try Lupron as  a treatment.  One shot a month, instant menopause.  No period, No endo.

I didn’t ask many questions.  I didn’t research or google or ask around.  I just stuck a hip out and said go. 

I was completely unprepared for the side effects.  Hot flashes and chills were the least of my problems, though they plagued me hourly.  My heart raced.  My weight dropped.  My hair fell out.  I was a nervous wreck, the anxiety almost crippling.

 The pretty great guy I was dating, well, he hung around through all the ups and downs and down furthers of Lupron.   When I had my second shot and the side effects got worse it was him that said enough was enough.  By this time I was a ‘hot mess’ but so in Love with this man.  He proposed.  I said yes.  We went to the priest, who went to the archdiocese and 5 weeks later we were married.  I cried as I called to cancel the appointment for the 3^rd Lupron shot.

As I look back on that horrendous time in my life, I am struck by several things.  Primarily how amazing it is that God puts the right people together at the right time.  If anyone ever doubts that God has a plan I think the summer and fall of 1995 in my life are clear indicators that there is a reason for everything.  But I am also struck by the events that led me to such an invasive and difficult treatment.  Truly, I asked NO questions.  I didn’t do any leg work.  My step father, the man who raised me, was an OBGYN in Omaha for 40 years.  He told me to trust this Dr. Only after I began to struggle did I start looking in to Lupron and drugs like it to find out what was happening to my body.  I can’t believe that.  How could I have so blindly agreed to such a huge change:  menopause at age 25?

The thing is, I know that so many women have gone through this and worse in the pursuit of a family.  It challenges you physically, mentally and spiritually.  Don’t even mention financially,.  Holy Cow.  Yet couples choose these struggles all the time. 

I ask myself every now and again, If God knew what my family path was, why did he let me struggle so?  Nearly every step I took to put my little family unit together was a challenge.  Why? 

I met a beautiful woman on my first and only trip to Haiti.  She had been waiting to bring her son home for more than 2 years.  Just like us.  When we said good bye to our son/daughter she and I held hands and cried as we walked back to the hotel.  I said to her, Why?  If God is watching and he wants these children to have homes, why can’t he move this along?

She said to me, ‘Everything is God’s time.  And God’s time is perfect.’

I wish the faith to believe and live by that statement had come to me much earlier.  But I cling to it now and with perfect hind sight vision realize it is so true.

Amy Becker

Whew.

A dear friend of mine told me that between 3 and 4 kids really do change.  That toddler-ness that makes babies become unmanageable terrors ebbs away and a slightly more rational child appears.  To be frank I wasn't sure that would ever happen to the twins.  I was dreading a full summer of a full house.

I am happy to report that a change is occurring.  I can take them shopping in the grocery store, with or without a two seater cart, and they listen and function like human beings.  I am rarely embarrassed and often get everything I came for.  I can manage church pretty well, especially short church downtown.
Meals are getting more civilized though we don't venture out to eat with a full crew of seven.

The kids and I have been to the zoo, children's museum, joslyn, library, countless parks and the family farm this summer.  I have to say that each outing has been fun, minimally stressful and worth repeating.
I sometimes shake my head afterward in disbelief that I just managed a certain outing with no embarrassment or broken items in my wake.

Just today I took the twins to the zoo.  Just me and then.  It was amazing.  They led the way.  They made the choices.  We only stayed an hour and when it was time to leave, they held my  hand, left the exhibit they were enjoying and we left.  We followed the zoo with a trip to the library.  They checked out books and checked in to receive their first prizes of the summer reading program.  So normal.  So pleasant.

We are only two weeks in to this summer break, anything can happen.  But at this point I am so very pleasantly surprised by the growth of my little ones.

Let the adventures continue!

...Till they Drop

Fitness is moving along just fine.  I am eating too much, but most of it is healthy.  I am not drinking as much wine, unless I am with Fairy Godmother.  I have exercised everyday since June 1.  So there.

Family is moving along swimmingly.  The title of this post is my current philosophy.  Whatever we choose to do that day, we do whole heartedly until we are all spent.  Then we return home to eat lunch, watch a short video to settle down and then we nap.  Twice this week the nap time included me. I kind of like napping.
We have visited new parks, old parks, the back yard, and the Children's Museum.  All with grand success.  I have also implemented a school work time and the kids are creating summer journals.  #3's will be something fun to read and view by the end of the summer.  Who knows what Things 1 and 2 will end up with.  For now Bruiser is pretty focused on doing school work for Mrs. Mayo- her soon to be preschool teacher.  Mr. Man seems to have no focus except 'Can I use the scissors?'  eeesh.

Due to work and basketball camp we have not really been able to involve the oldest girls.  That makes me sad.  Next week they will be gone to North Carolina with the Becker family.  I will miss them and their younger siblings will miss them terribly.  But I hope they come back refreshed and that perhaps the absence will make the heart grow fonder.  It seems to me that they are tolerating all of us right now and I miss the feeling of warmth and need.

I have watched my young ones climb to new heights and balance on crazy hanging skateboards at a fancy park out west.  They mastered the monkey bars in our neighborhood park as well.  They have created new games in the red neck blow up pool now placed on my back patio.  They split up and explored the children's museum individually but then came back together to show each other their favorite things.  That was cool.

They still ask if it is a school day and who will pick them up.  They still cheer when I tell them there is no school and we are staying together.  I love that.

Yesterday I settled them in front of a video to settle down before nap time.  I was determined to wash the upstairs floor.  Mr. Man had spilled who knows what under his chair and I hate stickiness!  Just as I filled the bucket and headed to the living room to start Mr. Man appeared, blankie in hand.  'Mama, will you come sit and snuggle with me?'  With no hesitation, frustration or even a deep sigh, I set down the bucket and went with him to snuggle.  It felt great.  And guess what?  The floor, stickiness and bucket of water... they were still there when I got the kids down for a nap.

Fall preparation?  Ummmm, Let me get back to you on that one.

F, F, F

The school year is over and no one in the Becker family got any 'F's.' In fact, everyone in the Becker family ended the school year with great success.  I won't list out honors and such here; but most everyone was recognized in some way for having had a good school year.  Even the twins had a visit to BT and when they left folks were singing their praises.  (whew) So it seems we were able to attack 2011-2012 and come away smiling, victorious.

Summer is here.  Those of you who know me, that would be anyone reading this because I don't actually have a large following, anyway, you know that I love my lists and day in and day out I function by a list. It is sad I know, but it is truthful.  #2 once went on a list making trend.  I found her at the kitchen table scrawling out her to do list:  wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast, on and on through her day.  I became worried, but couldn't stop myself from making lists.

Each break that arrives during a school year has a list.  The Holiday break at Christmas is fairly good sized and includes shampooing carpets, organizing the storage area and other such items.  Spring break gets a shorter list.  Summer is a full out 2 page, 2 column list.  Appointments that need to happen over the summer, places to go for entertainment, preparation for the fall for all family members and the yearly summer jobs, etc.

This summer I have decided on a slightly different track.  The list exists.  BUT it exists as a sort of suggestion.  My summer this year will be guided by 1 letter.  F.

I will focus and enjoy 3 things.  Anything else that gets done will be icing.

Family
Fitness
Fall preparation

I vow to put family first.  Get to know my kids at their current phase of life.  Enjoy Omaha and outings without the worry and tension of projects and workload.  If my husband naps in the afternoon, I will not begrudge him that rest.  In fact, he is family and he needs attention too.  Perhaps I will snuggle in and nap as well.   If the zoo outing takes an hour longer, who cares.  Or if the backyard and the sprinkler are providing us with enough entertainment, then why go to the zoo.
I will not allow a perceived sense of necessity to ruin the time that I have as a mom. ( I will not write anything here about how that time is flying by)

I vow to take better care of myself.  Eating well, exercising daily and being nice to myself make life better for those around me.  I will do this.  I will carve out time for me to focus on me.  Then I will dive headlong in to the first F.  It is a summer to take off a few pounds and get back in to shape.  All of my life will benefit from this.  I will NOT shampoo carpets or wash windows instead of hitting the gym.   I will NOT.

I vow to use a bit of quiet time each week to look ahead to the school year.  I vow that when August hits I will be ready and feel good about it.  I will know what shows I will be directing and I will know how they will look.  I will have good lesson plans and inspiring approaches.  Creating these things and doing this leg work during the peace of the summer will also benefit my fitness, family and all other aspects of my life.

This is my master plan.

(blogging was on my list for today... but so was go to the park, play in the sprinkler and send letters to friends....not all lists are bad!)