Christmas Blessings!

The wake up call came at 5:45a.m.  and it was all hands on deck.  By the time the parents rolled out of bed rules #1 and 2 had been followed:  1.  Make coffee 2.  Pre heat the oven for the rolls.

While the parental units were bleary eyed and groggy, the 5 younger Beckers were wide eyed and ready.

With coffee in hand we settled down to see what Santa had left.  Beginning with stockings each kiddo embraced the moment and unloaded the goods.  School supplies, tooth brushes, head scarves, hair ties and for Mr. Man a bag of Skittles, which he hugged.

Look at those faces!

On to the main event!

Starting with Mr. Man and going upward in order each child moved through opening presents.  I have to say that I am always sort of proud of my children and Thomas and I on Christmas morning.  The present 'piles' are modest.  Just 4 or 5 gifts per child, even when we just had two.  Often the gifts are things they needed or I would have purchased anyway.  And yet, the enthusiasm and fun aren't dampened at all.

Fancy toiletries, leg warmers and hats, costumes and books:  the stuff of Christmas morning all brought smiles and excitement.  Each sibling was pleased for the others as they showed off their presents.  And it took nearly an hour to get through just a few presents each.

Iron Man made an appearance at our gathering!

After getting through the little piles organized by name and marked with a special ornament so each child would know which stack belonged to him/her, one last gift was handed out.  The special gifts wrapped in red and tied with white satin bows.  American girl dolls, a leap pad 2 and a hobo bag filled with Euros brought special reactions from each recipient.  Santa combined with Fairy Godparents is a powerful combination.  The parental units are so happy that both are in our lives.

The Christmas present line up!

Everyone consumed too many cinnamon rolls and then dressed for church.  The 8:30 service at Sacred Heart had a wonderful gospel choir and wasn't too crowded, or too long.  We returned home for a more substantial breakfast.  Some of us snuggled down for some rest; some of us played with our new toys.

Dad working on the Leap Pad

Late afternoon found us at Uncle Guy's house and that was fun too.  Cousins played, family chatted and watched basketball.  More food was consumed.

The evening wound down with family movie night watching Tin Tin.  Early to bed and the major holiday was done.

An Ariel costume and her own iPod...pretty good Christmas!

So many blessings for our family; It is hard not to be a bit overwhelmed by how lucky I really am.  This holiday seemed to shine a light on that.  It is now my job to keep this feeling close at hand as I enter 2013 with all that comes with it.

Merry Christmas Eve 2012

Christmas began in earnest on Christmas Eve.  I remember last year that I kept telling the twins that if they wanted Santa to come they needed to behave.  It was all for naught.  They were out of their heads and poorly behaved the entire day.  This year was the opposite.  I never reminded them and yet I reaped the benefits all day long.  Snuggly, playful children.  Big girls making desserts and wrapping gifts.  The littles playing with each other, making projects and enjoying a day at home with family.  We went no where and the day passed quietly.  We chose to stay home and prepare for Christmas Eve dinner rather than attend a Christmas Vigil Mass so there was no hustle and bustle getting ready for church.  I loved it!

At 230 a big ole prime rib roast went in to the oven.

At 6:30 nana, papa and Uncle Stephen arrived and the festivities began.  That is approximately the time we realized the roast was no where near done.  Carl and Thomas took over and we altered the evening.

Uncle Stephen and Mr Man went straight to playing transformers!

Much to the littles surprise it was gift time.  Probably much to their disappointment the gifts were the traditional PJs from mom and dad.  BUT a new tradition was started and the siblings exchanged gifts.  Lotions, photo frames, nail polish for the big girls from Via.  Very carefully chosen and very proudly given.  The big girls came up big with 4 fabulous costumes.

The costumes were such a big hit!  I was proud of my big girls for choosing so perfectly!

Roast still not done.  Another alteration.

Down we went to settle in to watch 'Christmas Vacation.'  The littles first experience.  The twins giggled and laughed at the movie and at their sisters and uncle singing and saying the lines.  #3 found it completely inappropriate and silly not in a good way.  She had the same reaction to Elf;  why can't that big man behave.

At 8p.m. the roast was done and the table set.  Smashed potatoes, prime rib, beans and salad.  YUMMO!  Dinner was fancy and fun.

With dinner complete and cleaned up we realized that it was pretty late and much to the big girls dismay the party broke up.  With the cookies laid out and prayers said, three tired littles fell into bed and never utter one complaint.

The big girls settled in together to watch the end of the movie and at the last minute I decided to join them.  It was a wonderful quiet and restful moment to close a busy day.

The stage set for Santa; off to bed I went!

With cinnamon rolls rising, stockings stuffed and gifts laid out, I snuggled into bed.  I knew that the morning would come pretty early!  No one sleeps in when Santa is due!

A return to tradition? A new start?

The Barta family Christmas was held tonight.  Christmas Eve Eve.  Which is funny because Christmas Eve Eve is the term that my dear cousin and I coined to make fun of the fact that the Jancik (maternal side) celebrated Christmas on the 23rd because my grandmother hated that everyone was always late because they had to go to Christmas Eve mass.  So she moved the gathering.  Weird.
Anyway, it just so happens that the 23rd is the day that worked for everyone this year and therefore the Barta's gathered.

this photo was taken about 5 minutes after arriving.  Kids don't need to warm up!

To help readers understand the interesting genealogy of my family here is a quick fact.  It is small.  My mother and her sister married my father and his brother.  Two Jancik daughters, no more.  Two Barta sons, no more.  My mother had 4 children but only two Bartas.  Her sister had two daughters.  My cousins and I are 'double cousins.'  My cousins each had 1 daughter.  My brother has 3 children and of course I have five.  We are responsible for the greatest population boom in Barta/Jancik history.

When we gather with my mom's side of the family it includes: my mother, her husband Carl, my two half brothers (who are whole parts of my heart), my brother Guy and his family, my aunt Becky, uncle Ray, 2 cousins, their husbands and daughters.
When we gather with my dad's side of the family it includes: my dad, my step mom,  my brother Guy and his family, my aunt Becky, uncle Ray, 2 cousins, their husbands and daughters.

We just swap out a couple folks and do the same thing over again.  Weird.

Now back to the current celebration. This is a tale told in explanation and flashback, I guess.

We celebrated tonight at my dad and step mom's lovely home in west Omaha.  My dad lived in a different city from the time I was 6 until the time I was 28.  When he got a job based in Omaha it was the first time I could remember living in the same city as my father.  He, Paula and Emily were now available for every day kinds of gatherings, such that I never had growing up. Due to the distance and a number of factors I was never nearly as close to Emily, my younger half sister, as I am currently with my younger brothers.
Once Dad and Paula moved to Omaha family gatherings took place in their home.  It was large and gathering friendly.  Something no one else had. Plus Paula gets how to do gatherings. Win Win.

Emily loved Christmas and shopping for the perfect gift for each niece and for Guy and I.  She was also a premier gift wrapper and ribbon tie er.  She was also not a healthy young woman.  And to be honest I really have no idea the official diagnosis or depth of her illness.  It has never really been talked about out loud.  And to be honest it probably doesn't belong in this blog anyway.

Another flashback.  Nearly 7 years ago, in February, I got the kind of phone call that no one wants. It was 5a.m.  My dad was calling.  He was somewhere- Lincoln? I can't remember.  He was crying and nearly incoherent.  Emily was dead.  Paula was alone.  Could I get to her.  I pulled in to the drive next to the ambulance, around police cars.  I found Paula on the floor of the entry way.  Strangers hustling around.  Emily had gone to bed ill, some kind of flu like virus.  For no reason other than a mother's intuition Paula checked on her around 4:30 and found her dead.
My dad and Paula had 1 child together.  Emily was Paula's whole world.  The fractured, waif of a soul I found that morning was crushing to behold.  The next days nearly unbearable.
I still question and struggle and regret the lack of deep relationship I had with my only sister.  There are excuses sure.  I can't go back.  But I know that my relationship with Emily is something I didn't do right. There have been no family dinners, gatherings, drop off or pick ups, sleep overs, NOTHING, at  that house since that day. Much has been said, judged, implied, regretted, whatever about this.  Bottom line, healing is individual and should be.  Paula and Dad have had to move through this horrendous process and do what made sense to them. period.

For 6 Christmases all Barta gatherings have been held at Sortinos, the nursing home common room, parks.  I managed a couple at my house, though that was met with resistance.  My brother tried an Easter or two at his house. Sortinos, Golden Corral, the nursing home: these places equal torture if you have small children.  The past 3 years of holidays, birthdays and 'we should get together' functions have been horrendous events to be tolerated.  Marginal food, terrible environment.

So when Dad called to say that he and Paula would like to host, well, I was thrilled.  And a bit worried.

The cousins in their present circle.  Taking turns and enjoying each other.

We arrived just as my brother and his crew was arriving.  Children who know nothing of the emotion tied with this event bursting through the doors and racing to the basement.  The silence shattered.  The adults left in the foyer to navigate the old/new territory together.  What to do?  Follow the children.  Thank God for them in so many ways!

Dad and Paula added Sophie to their family this year.  And she too is a blessing.

The event proceeded like countless gatherings before.  Food, laughter, gifts, more food, photos and laughter and food.  My aunt, uncle and cousins arrived.  More laughter and food and sharing.

I think all cousin pairs find a place to hide and watch at some point!

My dad made a touching speech.  The Christmas tree at the center of the gathering was decorated by Paula and Emily 6 years ago.  Paula never took it down.  Some may judge.  I get it. #3 had spent the passed two days making and painting dough ornaments.  She quietly asked Grandma Paula if she could put one on the tree.  Together she and Paula put who knows how many on the tree.  It was lovely.  Old embracing new.  Emily would have so enjoyed these new nieces and nephews.

It was a wonderful gathering.  It felt natural and right.  Dad and Paula looked happy and together, united.  I have had tears since leaving.  I bet they had tears when everyone left.  My tears were of mixed emotions.  I hope theirs were too.  I think they will do this again.  I think little by little new traditions and old will blend.  I think to talk about Emily and what we loved and what we miss will become more natural and less halting and hurtful.

The next generation of the Barta family.

I think Christmas spirit and family can do a lot to heal.

Celebrating the day after '8th Eve'

Spinning in the fancy dress she chose at a costume shop.

Last year the count down occupied months of our time.  This year while we were definitely looking forward to the big birthday, #3 didn't subject us all to the daily count.  She did however inform us all that November 29th was actually, '8th Eve.'  Meaning of course, the Eve before her 8th birthday.  The best part about this new holiday is that my little ELL student came up with it and she was really tickled with herself.

True to form #3 didn't really ask for anything specific for her birthday.  She has written a letter to Santa and has some ideas for Christmas gifts, but mostly she doesn't seem to have caught on to the tried and true tradition of kids making lists and asking for everything under the sun for each personal holiday.  Thank goodness.

Her only requests was white cake, yellow frosting and pretty decorations.  I figured that wouldn't be too hard.  When Mom called offering to bring chili and #3's favorite chicken nuggets (frozen food aisle at Trader Joes), well, the birthday party couldn't get much easier.

Just like last year she was up at the crack of dawn and had herself  and her sister dressed before I knew they were up.  She had donuts set out for breakfast and was smiling from ear to ear.

A yellow barbie cake was a highlight of the evening!

She brought glazed donuts to her class and was so excited to do so.  A non chocolate eater, glazed donuts were the easiest and most kid friendly choice.  She enjoyed her school day the way she enjoys every school day.  Friends, math, recess, chatting with buddies during lunch: these are all things that #3 loves best about her day.  Friends are so very important.  Cruel words from one mean girl can cause rivers of tears at night.  Unfortunately, my head strong little one can snap off those cruel comments too and is trying to learn forgiveness instead of repaying in kind.  She is super at math and loves to sit around and write up numbers and patterns.  She continues to work and fight to gain ground in other subjects and catch up with peers.  Little by little she is doing so.  Just when teachers start to warn us that she is falling behind, she spurts ahead.  No 2nd grader has ever worked harder.

Extracurriculars have entered the scene too.  We now have Brownies and badge earning.  Bimonthly meetings are totally something to look forward to.  Of course they are another social opportunity, but V loves the homework that puts her at the table one on one with a parent a couple nights a before each meeting.  That time is much coveted.  The greatest addition to her life is dance class.  She says it is her dream come true and I am so pleased we started her with lessons.  Another monthly payment is a reach, but when she talks about her love for dancing and comes straight home to practice, well it is pretty hard to imagine cutting it out due to budget.

Emotionally, well, V is better.  For sure.  More confident, happier, more consistent.  But those deeper issues still rear their ugly head on occasion and when they hit, they hit hard.  She seeks fairness and equal time and opportunity for snuggles, homework, conversation.  She is desperate for approval and needs to feel like her decisions are the right ones.  The problem is that she needs to feel like she is right even if she isn't.  She doesn't forget a thing and can come back to a phrase or a even a look that she found upsetting and corner you for an apology.  She is still very much a work in progress, a job.

I continue to grow in my parenting of her.  I am forced to look in the mirror and analyze my parenting, behaviors and moods nearly daily.  This is what #3 and her intensity brings to the table.  Not really for the whole family, mostly just me.  The role of mommy, mother, momma, MOM, it is clearly defined in her head.  She knows what she needs.  Knows what she is missing.  Knows what she seeks.  And I am still a work in progress as well.  Struggling to provide those needs.  Giving love is the only thing I am certain of, the rest: discipline, guidance, education, the right level and kind of these is often a guessing game.

Showing off her sugar cookie with her famous toothy smile!

So here's to 365 days of work and love and prayer on the journey that is raising #3.  And here's to the child of my heart that started it all.  May we both learn and grow together.