Communication

So many phrases and cliches are used to give families, parents and spouses advice:  home is where the heart is, the family that prays together stays together, it takes a village to raise a child, if momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy, etc.

And I guess they all have an element of truth to them.  

My husband and I have received lots of advice, good and not so good.  Somewhere along the journey of our 16 years of marriage we sort of forgot something pretty basic.  A husband and wife need to talk to each other.  Not exactly rocket science, but some how we let this little element slip through the cracks.

After talking and crying and struggling together through a very difficult, the most difficult fall, we entered the new semester and gradually stopped communicating.  He was in a theater a production; I was mounting a theater production.  Emails came and went outlining the drop off, pick up and dinner cooking schedule.  I was asleep when he got home; he was asleep when I left for school with the herd.  The family kept moving forward.  All was well.  Sort of.

11 years ago my very talented husband was asked to be the guest actor at the SDSU Prairie Repetoire Theater.  It was a paid gig.  We needed money.  BUT it required that he live in Brookings for the  summer.  We saw him only briefly every few weeks.  At the end of the summer we learned that we could in fact survive that way.  We decided that it was a lesson no married couple should ever learn.

How did I find myself in that same situation?

By the time things went beyond the schedules not working out to a married couple that just didn't talk, we were both sullen and defensive.  So things got worse.

It is pretty well known that I can hold a grudge like nobody's business and furthermore, I love a good fight.  But I was pretty socked in to my silence.  Thankfully my dear husband decided to break the ice.  Emotions poor outed and old scores were brought up and then settled.  It was exhausting and necessary.

Since that eventful, emotional Easter break I have enjoyed a wonderful, normal and friendly relationship with my partner.  I think not only to he and I feel better, but my guess is everyone in the house, down to the dogs, probably feel better too.

Sometimes life with 5 kids gets pretty nuts and we forget that 1 kid or no kids or 12 kids, no family is solid and content if the foundation is not.  In our case the foundation involves two and I am thankful that we are now on the same level again.