What we think is the preparation needed for the season...
What is really going on during this season....This year the days and weeks leading up to Christmas were filled with split shifts of sick days and trips to the ER. So um, no baking.
When Bruiser was finally well and school was finally out, the mad dash began. Child #2 did a bit of baking. Child #1 and #2 accompanied me to the mall and other various stores to pick up groceries and last minute gifts. I even had to employ the two big girls to wrap Santa presents. Oh dear.
BUT, on December 18th I left the sick baby, her twin and the father at home and the big girls and I went to church. The 4th Sunday of advent. All about this HUGE leap of faith Mary and Joseph had to take in order to fulfill God's word. How did they know things would work out? Weren't they afraid? How many 'What ifs' went through their minds? God gave them messages, angels, and even miracles for their family members to help them see that he was there all the way, if they would only trust. But for Mary at least, it didn't really take all that. She heard the lord and said OK.
As I prepared for the holidays and the upcoming new year, I found myself reflecting. I have to be honest much of the fall was flat out hard. More than I could do alone and sometimes more than I could do with help. More than once I felt like a failure. I wondered what in the heck I had gotten myself into and worse, what had I gotten all those around me in to.
There came a very low point. Very low. Right about Thanksgiving. I was trying to teach my children about the power of gratitude and how much we had to be thankful for and I was $600.00 behind in paying the day care. Christmas was right around the corner. The IRS was not paying our tax credit and we had zip for buying Christmas presents. We were barely hanging on.
I needed some of those signs. I was unable to say to God, do as you will, I am your hand maid. Instead I was saying, ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I can't do this. All around me is falling apart.
From many angles help arrived. Little by little my dear husband and I found ways to put things back together. A huge help came from a generous soul and that lightened the load and helped us see our way clear. The clearer vision provided us with clearer minds and hearts to approach other areas of life that needed attention.
Week 4 of advent was a time to thank God, revel in the beauty of Mary and think of the beautiful times ahead.
As I raced head long through that 4th week, each Dr visit, one on one moment with a child, phone call with a parent and yes, present purchased, took on new meaning. God had sent help, exactly when I needed it. BIG help. The biggest help I can ever imagine. I didn't take on more than I could handle. I just needed help. Asking for help is a leap of faith.
On Christmas Eve we all decked out in fancy duds and headed to the fancy church, as V likes to call it. The cathedral was standing room only. The music amazing. The environment spiritual and magical. The twins behaved. The pastor discussed how inconvenient faith is, even more so religion. I thought of all the tests and failures through the past months. Inconvenient I guess. But ultimately, I learned that if I reached out, someone would take my hand.
We prayed as a small family at church. Blessings abound in my life.
My little family, from 3-15 stood together in front of the nativity on Christmas morning. Presents piled behind them, anticipation thick in the room. But first things first. #3 carefully placed baby Jesus in the manger and then the whole family sang Happy Birthday to him. I have been doing this since I was 8 years old. It is perhaps very silly. But my children don't question it.
Advent is a time to prepare the way. Prepare the way for what? Jesus specifically I guess, but I think God wants us to think about the other journeys in life and if we are prepared for those too.
Am I prepared? Probably not, but I do feel that I am on the journey God wants me to pursue. And I believe he has placed the perfect mile posts along my way to provide guidance, support and reminders. Friends, family and even fairies and guardian angels abound on my path.
Truly they prepare the way for me.
Started with a little eye leaking....ended up crying.
ReplyDeleteI don't know much about the churchy stuff. But when I read the title of this post, the song from Godspell started echoing in my head.
I think of the way that you staged that show and that song. Nationalities coming together and greeting each other the way that we great and hug and flourish amongst our fellow beings about during this time of year.
All while you were scrambling to get to Miami to get the kids who had just been in the worst earthquake in the Caribbean.
Your lives were in total upheaval.
No one can prepare for crisis. No one can prepare for chaos. No one can prepare for struggle - especially when struggle comes minute to minute.
But somehow the Universe provides. At least I would like to think that it does.
And the Joy is in the Journey.
PS. Just for the record. I am TOTALLY prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse. Not sure how you fit in. You are fairly sturdy but you are a little too nice. I will have to think about this one........
ReplyDeletehee hee